Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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