FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
