Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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