Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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