just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
