Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
