I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
