hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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