I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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