Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
