4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we have pet lesbian snakes
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
