I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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