sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
