are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
