he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just cropdusted the office
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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