I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
