You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
