Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
