Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
