last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My vagina is very pro this idea
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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