My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
