even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
