you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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