You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
