Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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