is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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