Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
