im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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