I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Randomize
