I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
