he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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