i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
