Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
