Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
