Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
