I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
