I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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