I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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