We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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