Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
