I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
