He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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