You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
