Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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