A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
