Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
