I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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