Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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