And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
