her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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