11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
