He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's a Shit stain on my heart
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
