So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
