i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
