1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
