I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
