I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
