Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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