I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's like iHOP with fire
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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