I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
