I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
