I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
