Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
