If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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