i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
