You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize