another moral hangover. fuck.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
