My Higher Power is John Stamos
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
