Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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