did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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