Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
