I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
