It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
