I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need water and some morals
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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