All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
