This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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