ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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