I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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