Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
